lonely was the song i sang 'til the day you came
by kamikazehearts
Summary: stefan/caroline friendship. "No, I'm serious. I was totally in love with you for those twenty-four hours."


**a/n: yeah, I don't know. Fingers just lost control once they hit the keyboard. It's extremely sloppy and maybe too rushed but I had to express my love for this couple somehow :p gah, hopefully Julie and Kevin give us actual scenes when the show comes back. Story title comes from "Half of my Heart" by John Mayer.  
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...

Stefan Salvatore comes to town and her interest is immediately piqued.

She puts a criminal investigator's skills to shame and finds out everything she can about the mysterious new guy, excitedly conjuring up daydreams about them as a couple and images of what their children would look like, and Caroline sets out to make him hers.

Pushing forward with the newfound courage those past three beers (four? five?) instilled in her, she stalks up to him, and _wow_, he is the most perfect thing she's ever laid her eyes on and she loses her train of thought because he's looking at her with an amused smile like he knows where she's gonna take this and suddenly she's second-guessing herself.

"Caroline, you and me...it's not gonna happen. I'm sorry."

Just like that, it's done. He looks at her with an apology swimming in those forest oak-colored eyes before walking past her and she blinks, incoherent thoughts jumbling her brain. She turns and sees him walk up to Elena, his mouth quickly forms an easy, flawless smile.

She spots Bonnie and takes her friend's hand in hers.

"Get me so drunk I don't remember my name."

Caroline wants Stefan.

Stefan wants Elena.

_Story of her fucking life._

...

"Caroline! Wait up."

She cranes her neck and her eyes widen marginally when she processes the fact that Stefan is walking up to her, and she sighs, guessing his motives.

"If what you have to say is completely Damon-unrelated, then please, continue."

He gapes a bit at her precise assumption. His eyes land on her neck and he detects the faint outline of a bite mark at the baseline of her throat and his fingers twitch, aching to throw his brother through a brick wall.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay and apologize on his -", he starts, but she cuts him off with a raised palm.

Caroline closes her eyes and inhales deeply, the words _stupid_, _shallow_, and _useless_ reverberating loudly through her brain. Stefan stares at her wordlessly, guilt settling in his stomach as he internally reprimands himself for not stopping Damon's ministrations on the blonde sooner.

She opens her eyes and sends a small smile in his direction. "Look Stefan, I really appreciate your attempt at playing peacemaker or trying to make up for how much of a douchebag Damon was - no offense, by the way - but you have nothing to apologize for. None of what happened between Damon and I was your fault," she tells him genuinely. "I just really don't want to talk about him, or hear about him, or have absolutely anything to do with Damon or anything even remotely _related _to him."

He raises an eyebrow. "Really? So absolutely_ nothing _related to him is acceptable in your life?" She shakes her head with a sense of conviction and his eyebrow hikes up further. "Not even his brother?" he asks. Realization dawns on her face and he chuckles at her dumbfounded expression.

Caroline rolls her eyes. "Very funny. I _guess_ you can be the exception," she allows. "I'll be fine, Stefan. Nothing that a couple of sleepovers with my girls, tons of ice cream, gossip, and romantic comedies can't cure," she assures him.

He nods and gives her arm a slight, comforting squeeze.

"Take care...Care."

She giggles at the play on her name and he smiles at her before making his way to his car.

She pretends she doesn't feel the warmth of his touch linger on her arm for the rest of the day.

...

Caroline can't help but wonder whenever her other half would appear. When she would finally be able to revel in the presence of someone who understood and accepted all her flaws, knew her inside and out and loved her unconditionally, in only the way a best friend could.

Bonnie has Elena. Tyler has Matt. Shit, even Damon has Alaric to seek comfort in.

When would she be able to share that bond with someone?

She thinks of a brooding forehead and strong arms that held her while she cried, of hunting bunnies and _I promise I will not let anything happen to you_.

She finds that maybe she already does.

...

"Damon? Are you alright? Oh my gosh, did they find a cure?"

"Yeah, I'm officially rabie-free." Her undead heart swells with relief and she's glad he can't see her wide smile. Oh, the things that would do to his ego. "Caroline, you need to come."

She hears his serious tone and her throat goes dry. She hangs up before he can say anything else and runs to the boarding house, a million thoughts running through her head at what could've possibly gone wrong, her mind coming to the worst possible conclusions.

She walks through the threshold and Elena hurries to her, throwing her arms around the blonde's neck tightly. Caroline warily wraps her arms around her friend's waist, afraid of what had her so shaken up. Elena cries into her shoulder and Caroline gives her a tight squeeze before releasing her. She puts her palms on the brunette's face and gently wipes the wetness from her cheeks, fighting to keep her own expression stoic.

"He's gone, Care. Stefan turned himself over to Klaus."

She freezes, feels like her heart plummeted to the pit of her stomach. Her lower lip trembles and she looks to Damon, refusing to believe what she was hearing. His rueful expression confirms her worst fears.

Her best friend is gone.

She leaves before they see her tears fall.

...

She doesn't like hunting anymore.

The silence is a reminder that she's alone once more.

It's deafening.

...

He visits her after the whole Prank Night debacle.

She's just picked her hair up in a ponytail when she hears a knock on her window. She turns and sees him wave and she has to hide the fact that her heart falls out of her chest at the sight of him. Caroline hesitates, knowing that this is a completely different Stefan, but, like Elena, refuses to believe that her best friend is completely gone. She opens the window and he eases himself in.

"Stefan," she whispers, in awe that he's actually standing in front of her again after his prolonged absence. He's just as perfect as she remembered.

"'Sup, Blondie."

She winces slightly at his use of that moniker. "What are you doing here?"

He raises his hand to his chest in feigned offense. "You didn't actually think I would come back and not pay a visit to my _'best friend'_, right?" he asks sardonically, doing air quotes with his fingers.

She scoffs. "Don't tell me you actually care how I've been doing."

All traces of amusement leave his face and he's before her in a flash, taking one of her hands in both of his. "Don't be silly, Caroline." She looks at his reproachful expression, of how much it reminds her of the guy who she hasn't seen in three months, and she grips his hands tightly. "Of course I don't," he finishes, pleased when he sees her face fall. "Oh, don't be so touchy."

He drops her hand and lays down on her bed, crossing his arms behind his head.

"Then leave. You being an asshole is the last thing I need right now."

He purses his lips. "Have a lot on your plate, have you? Matt giving you trouble again? No, wait, that's not right," he ponders, placing a finger to his chin. "Before I left, you were spending an awful lot of time with Tyler." Realization dawns on his face and he grins maniacally. "Don't tell me you've taken up the occupation of dogsitter!" She glares at him for talking so disdainfully about her boyfriend and crosses her arms across her chest. "I can see how that happened. Being that he's a hothead and your lack of modesty."

She scowls at him. "Meaning?"

"If I recall correctly, you came on to me when I first got here. Something about '_taking me down to the falls_'." She swallows, slightly wary of where he might be going with this. She doesn't know this Stefan, can't imagine what his next words will be. She has a heavy suspicion they won't be pretty. "I even remember the look on your face when you saw me go to Elena right afterwards." He chuckles darkly. "Priceless." Her face sets into a pensive expression and he notices. "Don't get me wrong, Care. You're scorching hot. A girl like you shouldn't hide all her...assets," he adds, lips curling at the corners as his eyes rake over her body, clad in a tank top and short shorts and she grows self-conscious under his heated stare.

She grabs her robe off her coat rack and wraps it around her frame, resisting the urge to shudder when Stefan winks at her.

"Stop treading around eggshells, ripper. Get to the fucking point."

He grins and shakes his head, almost as if he's amazed at the nerve of the girl before him. "You know Caroline, you never cease to surprise me. You're always full of _spunk_." He's before her in a blur of motion and she inhales sharply. "But you know, what really pulled me for a loop was how you honestly believed you stood a chance against Elena when it came to winning my affection...or Matt's...or Damon's."

She grits her teeth in frustration at his behavior, his words providing a serrated edge scratching mercilessly against her newly healed heart. Never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined Stefan was capable of being such a dick. Especially not to her.

But here he was, throwing her biggest insecurity back in her face.

"You can't blame us, can you? I mean, only a fool would choose otherwise."

She wants to drive a stake through his stomach, wants to take off his lapis lazuli ring and make him stand in the sun, wants him to feel the pain he's putting her through. She wants to hug him, because despite everything, he's Stefan and he holds such an important place in her life, a void no one else could ever fill. She wants to curl up in a ball and cry, because the vampire standing before her bears no resemblance to the guy who would comfort her and protect her and make her believe that everything would be alright.

The latter is what overtakes her.

Tears build in her eyes and through her blurry vision, she can see that his face holds no repent. She doesn't hesitate and punches him square in the jaw, growing angrier when the expected quick retaliation doesn't come.

"You're stronger," he notes apathetically.

Water cascades down her cheeks and her fists clamor against his chest relentlessly, because she loves him and she hates him and his words just broke her and she just wants her best friend back to piece her together again. He stands there wordlessly, jaw clenched as he allows her to keep hitting him.

"Why are you doing this?" she cries. "You promised you would never let anything happen to me!"

She eventually gives up and she falls to the ground, wrapping her arms around herself to keep from falling apart, silent sobs causing tremors to wrack through her body.

"Promises can't always be upheld. My humanity is gone, Caroline. Stop searching for it, you're only setting yourself up for disappointment. You'll be smart to forget about me. So don't be an idiot."

She thinks she hears something in his voice, a flicker of something indecipherable that's gone as quickly as it came and she's left wondering if she ever detected anything at all.

She's about to question it, but when she looks up, the window is open and he's nowhere to be found.

...

"Tyler, I really don't think right now -"

Her words catch in her throat when she sees green eyes staring back at her from the doorway.

"What do you want?"

He winces at her frigid tone. He knows he deserves it.

"I'm free. I'm no longer under Klaus' compulsion."

Caroline rapidly forgives everything he said to her the last time he was in her room, overthrown with joy at what she was hearing. She laughs giddily and gets up from her bed quickly, rushing to him at vampire speed. She wraps her arms around his neck tightly, forcing herself to keep her tears at bay. Her smile falters when she realizes he's not hugging her back.

"What's the matter?" she asks, peering up at him from a fringe of long eyelashes.

"I don't want to turn my emotions back on, Caroline. Not completely," he admits.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not going back to wallowing in guilt and self-pity every day. I know I wouldn't be able to handle it and I'd probably meet the sun the first chance I got." She gapes at him, and he's inclined to continue. "I can't. Not with everything I did, not with everything Klaus put me through."

She nods. "But they're somewhat on, right?"

"Somewhat," he confirms. "It's like a third of my conscience feels emotions. No way in hell are they going to be the more dominant part. I'm not going to be the same from before, I guarantee that."

She nods shortly. She can deal with this. She's sure of it. She didn't grow so attached to Stefan because he was a sap that found his way back from the dark side and spent his time brooding about it.

"I don't care if only a portion of your emotions are on. I don't expect you to be a saint. I just need you to not be a complete insufferable bastard." He chuckles. "Now, search deep within that thirty-three percent and hug me," she demands.

Caroline embraces his neck once more without waiting for an answer. He freezes for a moment before he can sense a flicker in his conscience, reminding him of his love for the blonde, and he slowly wraps his arms around her waist. She beams over his shoulder.

"I missed you, Stefan."

His only response is to hug her tighter.

It's enough for now.

...

Elena's not as accepting of his newly-reformed self as Caroline was.

_"What do you mean, only some of your emotions?"_

_"No, Stefan. You can turn them on completely. It'll be okay, I'm right here with you."_

_"I don't know Stefan. I just need time to process."_

He's losing her, he can feel it. Knows she's slipping through the cracks that have tainted their relationship.

He loves her, he knows. Just as much as he did when he turned himself over to Klaus.

Stefan wishes it were enough.

He pretends not to see how Elena stares at Damon when she thinks he's not looking.

...

"No, I'm serious. I was totally in love with you for those twenty-four hours."

"Blasphemy."

"No bullshit. I legit, thought about everything from how you'd ask me to be your girlfriend to what our dog's name would be when we were moved into our two-story suburban house on the outskirts of Portland."

She giggles when disbelief graces his features and twirls, downing her glass of bourbon. She's sure Damon would be pissed when he found half of his stash gone, but no fucks were given on the blonde's part. Klaus is dead and Tyler's still an asshole so that's the end of _that_ and she's seriously considering becoming a lesbian because guys are just dumbasses.

It's a celebration and a way to drown her sorrows; killing two birds with one stone, so to speak.

"You have horrible taste in guys," he admonishes.

"Not true," she denies, tipping her glass in his direction. "I've been told that I have impeccable taste in men."

"Caroline, how many boyfriends have you had?"

"Six," she answers without missing a beat. "Actual serious relationships? Two. Experienced love? Once."

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Wow, that's it?" he asks, incredulity lacing his tone. "And let me guess, the love was for Matt?"

She scowls at him, chucking a pillow at his face. "Ouch. Nice to know you came to the assumption I was a whore. And yeah, Matt," she sighs.

"No, not that you were a...whore, _per se_. You were just so confident...and you _did_ just admit to basically building a future with me without my knowledge."

"Shut up, you loved it."

He chuckles, knowing she wasn't completely wrong. His eyebrows set and he looks to her seriously. "Do you still want that? A future, I mean?"

She sets her tumbler down on their coffee table and bites her lip, her eyes focused on the patterns on Damon's Persian rug as she answers his question with a nod.

"I always wanted kids. To go through the pregnancy and even the childbirth, to watch them grow up, hear them call me _mom_, send them off to college - Ivy League, of course. To be able to grow old with my husband encircled by happiness, without a care in the world," she confesses.

He wishes her life could've had a different outcome, that Katherine would've waited a_ little_ longer to make her pronounced reappearance in Mystic Falls so that Caroline wouldn't have had to be used as a pawn in her wicked game of chess.

His eyes soften and she plasters on a smile, although he notices it doesn't quite reach her eyes. She suddenly grimaces and flicks his nose.

"Ugh, way to put a damper on my buzz, Stefan." She walks over to the bar and pours herself a shot of tequila. "But no matter. So mister Broods-A-Lot, how many girlfriends have _you_ had?"

His eyes widen and he speeds over to her coat, handing it out to her. "It's been fun, Care, but you should probably get home. I do want you to keep functioning, after all."

She knows exactly what he's trying to do and she grins, having caught the mouse in his trap. "Well well well, looks like you're more than Damon than I originally thought, buddy. Look at you, bedding chicks and takin' names, eh?" she teases him.

He rolls his eyes. "I've had one girlfriend," he admits. "Elena. She's the only serious relationship I've ever had."

She stares at him in confusion, never really being able to grasp what went on in his head under all that perfectly queefed hair. "Then why...?"

"The number of _'chicks I've bedded'_, or however you phrased it, is a completely different number."

"More than Damon?"

"Definitely in that area."

Her eyebrows shoot up so high on her forehead she's sure they reach her hairline. "Are you serious? Wow, Stefan. Consider me thoroughly surprised. Never took you for a man-slut."

He winces and she relents, deciding to show him mercy, although it was causing her immense pleasure, seeing him squirm like that.

"Alright alright, this topic won't be broached for another decade. I promise."

He breathes out a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"Now," she begins, taking her coat from his still outstretched hand, "if you don't mind, I'm gonna head home and think of ways to blackmail you with this piece of vital knowledge you've just bestowed upon me."

"Says the one that planned out our life in Oregon."

She shrugs. "What's a girl to do? It's not every day that a smokin' hot guy shows up with perfect hair and that deep, _smoldering_ look that only exist in Stephenie Meyer novels. I was one of many, Stefan, I guarantee that." She gives him a quick hug. "Remember hubby, don't be late to our wedding," she jokes.

His eyes are alight with amusement and she still can't believe she can do that to the seemingly forever morose vampire.

"When is it?"

"June." She winks. "Try not to miss me, I'll be the one in white."

...

"What's up Stefan?" she asks with a smile, his scent becoming more pronounced with every step he takes towards her room.

Her eyes widen in alarm when she notices his tear-stricken eyes.

"She chose him, Caroline."

Her lower lip trembles as she takes in his broken persona and she lifts up her covers in invitation, sympathizing with him when it came to being second best.

He crawls in, back facing her and she immediately wraps her arms around his waist, her own tears forming each time she feels his body shake from the force of his quiet sobs. She's never seen him so helpless before and she wishes she could do something to help heal him.

She holds on tighter and doesn't let go.

...

"You're leaving?"

Damon's gaze travels to his suitcase, already packed with most of his clothing. He looks back at Stefan, guilt quickly beginning to settle in his stomach, and the younger Salvatore sighs, knowing the expression all too well.

"Don't look so surprised."

Damon stands, watching his younger brother move around the room without uttering a word. Contrary to popular belief, Damon doesn't want Stefan to leave. It's the reason he hasn't been completely relishing in the fact that Elena chose him. He doesn't want to drive Stefan out of his own home. Leave it to him to mess things up between them.

Again.

"Where are you going?"

"I have no idea," he says, zipping up his last suitcase, doing a quick once-over of his room to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. Tension is thick in the air and Stefan walks towards his brother, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Just so you know, you and Elena aren't the reason I'm leaving."

Damon smiles knowingly. "Liar."

He doesn't say it with any malice, and Stefan rolls his eyes.

He's happy for Damon, honestly. He knows how his love for Elena consumes him, (been there, felt that, still trying to deal with the aftermath), and he wants his brother to be happy. He doesn't want him to feel like he should shield himself to spare him. It's not like Stefan showed him the same gratitude.

Because when it comes down to it, Stefan will always choose Damon and his happiness above everything and everyone else.

Himself included.

Stefan wants to be okay with Damon and Elena's relationship, to be able to be around them without feeling the need to rip his heart out of his chest. He wants them to be brothers again, before Katherine and the entire 1864 debacle occurred. And if the only way to do that is to leave Mystic Falls and his love for all things Petrova doppelgänger behind, then it's a sacrifice Stefan is willing to make.

He embraces his older brother in a hug.

"Until next time. Stay out of trouble, Damon."

A clap on the back and a somber smile. "Try to get in some, Stefan."

...

The bags are in the trunk and a cooler full of blood bags and a mountain load of snacks is sitting in the back seat. The reality of what he's doing is finally settling in and his eyebrows furrow. He grips the steering wheel, sighing as he looks at the boarding house in the rear view mirror tentatively.

The passenger door opens. "So I was thinking that maybe we could listen to my music most of the way there because, let's be real, this is a road trip and road trips are fun and carefree and full of adventures that we'll remember for the rest of eternity. If we're heading off into places unknown we might as well make the journey with a peppy soundtrack. Catch my drift?"

He chuckles. "Loud and clear, Care."

"Wise man."

He grins at his best friend. She is seriously willing to follow him wherever he decides to go without hesitation and he's never been more appreciative for anything in his entire 163 years of existence.

"Where to, Salvatore?"

"I haven't exactly figured that out yet," he admits warily.

She rolls her eyes. "Geez, Stef, talk about unprepared. It doesn't matter, we'll figure it out on the way," she assures him, immediately quelling any of his doubts.

She reaches into the backseat and grabs a bag of chips, taking a deep breath as she stares forward. The realization hits her that this is it. A new chapter in the novel that is her existence. Mystic Falls is done with and now it's time to embark on a journey with Stefan by her side. The first of many, she's sure.

Like she'd ever let him leave her again.

Like he'd ever want to.

Stefan notices her blank expression. "You sure about this?"

Her answering smile is dazzling. "Let's go."

He drives and neither of them look back.


End file.
